What the fuck is this shit ??!!!

Posted: January 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Go ahead punk, fry me in Lard !!!

What the fuck is this shit?

(An introduction… of sorts)

Tripped Out Psychotic Time Agents or TOPTA for short is a Role Playing Game or RPG.

What Makes TOPTA different from other RPGs ?

Well, I am glad that you asked. TOPTA is all done in real time, so once the scenario start the players only have two hours to complete their mission.

What happens if they want a piss?

Then their characters have to go piss.

Is it always two hours ?

Not always, I just said two hours, but the games should, in theory, always be quick and very, very nasty.

How would a new game begin ?

The players who are from the future would role up their Ringo Starrs then….

Errm … Ringo Starrs ?

Read “Why every cunt looks like Ringo Starr” So, they role up their Ringo Starrs and the players in the present, whatever present that happens to be (there is after all a time travelling element to this game !) are given their characters as assigned by the Voice of Reason…

The Voice of Reason ? What is that ?

The Voice of Reason or VOR or Games master … the guy or girl handing out the envelopes, shouting and generally pointing to the clock type person!! duh! That person! will normally hand the players playing characters set in the present their envelopes containing the characters they must play, then, the VOR hands the Ringo Starr players; their envelopes containing the characters their Ringo Starrs will be inhabiting for the duration of the time slot.

So players play against other players ?

And the Blasphemy and the audience at home !

(possibly, but only the sitting version of the game, not the standing)

What is the idea behind the time slot/trip ? Is it something to do with lack of power in this dark Orwellian apocalyptic vision of the future ?

No, it is the Sunday television slot between Ski Sunday and the Antiques Road Show. It is prime family viewing for the people of the future!

That is why points are awarded. So it has to end, when it ends. You cannot keep Michael Aspel waiting OK! Wait until you read chapter two then you will find out why the future is not like Fritz Lang, Space 1999, Star Trek or even Abbot and Costello streak on Mars. You will see what it is cracked up to be.

Cryptic ?

Piss off and get on with the questions.

So, everyone has a character or a cadaver to occupy what next ?

The time agents read their order and mission brief which will be supplied with the envelopes. They are inserted and the game and clock begins. They have to quickly try and locate the blasphemy and generally destroy it. The other players have to react to the chaos in which ever way they see fit, generally they will try and stay alive, if the balmy has taken over a loved one, try to protect their loved ones.

So what does The Voice of reason Do ?

He or She describes scenes, uses dice to determine the outcome of certain actions. He also rolls to see audience reaction to the events and combined with good sound judgement awards points to players for actions.

Does that not leave him or her open to being plied with drink and generally being bribed ?

I have NEVER been involved in a game where strong liquor, holidays and offers of illicit sex have swayed my judgement. Nor would I be able to describe such illicit acts, if indeed they did exist, happened or were videoed by a third party acting on their own initiative without the prior agreement of both of the first parties. Now, I feel I have made my self clear as mud on these pints, sorry points. Are you going to drink that beer …… ?

erm. what is to stop the characters from the future just walking up to the characters from the present and coolly shooting them in the back of the head without so much as a- “Hello ! I am ZootZoot a plainly very attractive blonde with great breast and an interest in table tennis who has come from the future to murder your uncle, yes the one whose started spending an awful lot of time in the basement of his lonely barn tinkering with weird electronic devises and may be responsible for the murder of the local priest and the only TV repair man in the Tri-County area”. Something like that ?

Are you some sort of Shmuck. The Time insertion has driven them Psychotic. Hence – TRIPPED OUT PSYCHOTIC TIME AGENTS!!! – Every time they try to do anything, the VOR will have to role to see if they can or if they fly into a blind axe wielding rage.

That is just daft.

Well, they get better. The longer the episode goes on; but usually it is too late by then and the local Sheriff can get awful unsympathetic after you have disembowelled his great aunt Maud and cooked his beagle at gas mark 6. The interesting thing is, is that as they start to get saner, everyone else is getting more loonier than a skunk on crystal meths.

Not what you might call.. intellectual?

No. But an awful lot of fun. Now, are you going to drink that beer ?

So, that’s it is. a timed game, player vs. player. Well, it doesn’t seem that different.

Well. that’s where your wrong. Actions.

Actions ?

Actions.

Ok, Larry, you’ve lost me.

The players have to do actions

Actions ?

Yeah. None of that sitting about drinking Piña Colada and stoking your Chinchilla like other role playing games I could mention. You gotta do the actions !

Won’t that be embarrassing for some shy retiring types ?

Not after half a bottle Tequila and beer chaser.

Sounds fun.

it is Larry, it is.

Next Blog. What a peice of Work is Man –

a short story that may help fill in the some of the gaps-Film Noir and torture in the rainy finger lakes.

Comments
  1. Jennie says:

    enjoyed 🙂 We could try out some pbem TOPTA you know . . . ?

    Like

  2. I hardly have the time what with the rules revisions (more in this evening post), Coc, and well .. life in general

    I’m going to try and organise an autumnal session, here, in darkest Wales, if not next spring. I think it’s cheaper in Cymru. Having said that, I would be interested in some turn based writing. What has sparked this renewed interest ?

    Like

  3. Sarah says:

    http://www.continuum.uk.net/

    Karl you should run it here, it’s a good Con, be a great acid test.
    Well a notion anyhoo

    Like

    • That wouldn’t leave me much time to get everything printed to the standard I want; however, it is tempting. It would all depend on if any of you guys (those that have registered on my blog !!) were interested in coming to Leicester to help with demonstration games. I wouldn’t want just a gaggle of pasty faced goof balls picked at random from a crowd of pasty faced goof balls, I’d like to seed the groups with pasty faced goof balls that I know and respect and love. Like you guys ! So if anyone is interested in going to Leicester for the 2nd – 5th of July get in touch.

      I may have a wedding shoot on the Saturday but that’s not confirmed.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s